Making a Choice
by Creek-IB-08
Summary: Tag for Season 6 finale. My take on why Ziva makes Gibbs choose and why she stays behind in Tel Aviv. I have decided to continue with companion tyoe pieces - basically going through everyone's view of the whole Rivkin ordeal. So please stay tuned.
1. Ziva

**Making a Choice**

**By Amanda**

**An NCIS Fanfic**

**Ziva-centric**

**Spoilers for seasons 3-6**

**Italicized dialogue comes directly from the season 6 finale.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but any original ideas in this story.**

**{*NCIS*}**

The words her father had spoken were still ringing around Ziva's head. "_I don't know who you answer to any more. NCIS or Mossad." "I expect your loyalty to me, and only me!" "You return to me, to us! You finish what Michael started!_" In all fairness it was a good question. Where did her loyalties lie?

She could remember a time when she put blind trust in her father. He could do no wrong in her eyes. That was part of the reason she so willingly went into Mossad. Why she worked so hard to be the best. Her father expected her to be the best, to be perfect, and she did not want to disappoint him. Her loyalty to him was most of the reason she agreed to be Ari's control officer. She took her father's word at face value and professed her half brother's innocence never questioning the validity of the proof against him. The proof had to be wrong, contrived to give Gibbs a reason to exact vengeance on Ari.

Then she crouched at the top of those basement steps and listened to Ari describe their father. How he put power and control and Mossad above everything, including family. How dear old dad had turned Ari into the monster he had become. Ari had shown their father for the monster that _he_ was. And she didn't want to believe. She didn't want to take this traitor's word over her father's. But Ari didn't know she was there. He was not trying to convince his sister of the horrible man their father was. He was simply explaining how he had become what he was at the directing of _his_ father. He was telling someone that he had absolutely no reason to lie to. And in that moment, right before she pulled the trigger to save a man she barely knew, she saw her father for who he really was.

Going home to Tel Aviv was hard. She did not know how she would look her father in the eye. Not only for what she had done to his son, but for what she had come to know. This man no longer deserved her unquestioning, unwavering devotion and loyalty. Still, she was loyal to the Mossad. And he was the director, so she would be loyal to him for that reason.

Then the offer came from Jenny. Come back to DC and become a part of Gibb's team. This time she refused to give anyone the blind devotion she had to her father. But she had studied Gibbs, compiled a dossier on him for Ari. She knew that he was a good man and she could learn a lot from him. The job started out as just an assignment, a new challenge. Then she came to know and trust and rely on her team. She saw the loyalty they had for each other. There was not one among them that would not do anything to protect the others. She found herself wanting to be considered as one of them. To have that kind of faith in others and have it returned in kind. She saw how each of them earned that trust in their own right. No one, not even Gibbs, was given their loyalty without proving their worth.

When she and Tony had been 'captured' by the assassins on their first undercover assignment, she was surprised at the absolute trust Tony had in both McGee and Gibbs to find them and get them out of the mess. He proved that again when they were trapped in the shipping container. He had absolute faith the Gibbs would find them, before it was too late. And while he was prepared to hold off their captors and leave clues for their boss, he knew that everything would be ok.

She was still Mossad, but more and more as time went on she found herself thinking, no feeling that she belonged at NCIS. She fit here with these people. She trusted them and they trusted her and it was a deeper trust than any she had felt before. In truth she stopped thinking about the possibility of being called or sent back to Mossad. She had fallen in love with Tony, and even though she was sure he didn't love her back she couldn't even imagine having to leave him behind.

Then tragedy struck. The disastrous L.A. 'mission' that cost their director and _friend_ her life. And when the team needed each other the most, when they should have been able to lean on each other to get though the loss of yet another friend, the new director split them up. He scattered them to the four winds. McGee was moved to another building, Tony to an aircraft carrier, and herself back to Tel Aviv. When she was sent back, she never expected to return. It wasn't that she didn't have faith that Gibbs would do everything in his power, and some things that weren't, to get the team back together. She knew that he would pull strings and call in favors and do anything to get them all back home, where they belonged. But she doubted that her father would let her go. She knew that he felt he had lost his control over her, and he was right. So, she threw herself into her work and a relationship with Michael as much to prove her loyalty to her father as to fill the emptiness left by her friends, her _family_, at NCIS. Four months had passed and she had resigned herself to the fact that she was never going back.

And then one day, she was being sent back to DC, and McGee had been returned to Gibb's team. They were only missing Tony. She was both happy and distressed that he wasn't there. The team wasn't the same without him and she missed him terribly, but it was easier to deal with her feelings for him if he wasn't around. And then Tony was back and it was almost like before. They were strained for a bit, mostly because she insisted on putting space between them that hadn't been there before the separation. And just as things were back where they should have been, this whole mess started.

Michael was in DC and Gibbs and McGee were in LA. She hated lying to Tony just as they had repaired their relationship. She hated being put in the middle, but she had feelings for Michael and it was really none of Tony's business who she saw privately. Then Michael was in LA and 'interfering' with their case and Tony was on edge and she was lying to him and she was still caught in the middle between NCIS and Mossad. She knew that Michael was out of line. She knew that he was out of control, but she couldn't stop him. Instead she called for an emergency extraction for him. But she was too late. Tony had killed him.

She hated Tony for that. She had real feelings for Michael and Tony took him away from her. Had she not lost enough people in her life? She was so consumed by her feelings that she didn't stop to think rationally. There was no way Tony should have won a fight between them. Besides he had no right to come after Michael. She knew that Tony did not like Michael, did not trust him, but it was not his decision to make. And it should never have happened. She blamed herself too. She should have been there. She should have acted sooner. She should have sent Michael home days ago. But it was easier to hate and blame Tony than herself. So she did.

Then Gibbs told her that her apartment blew up, and she knew that Mossad had something to do with it, but she said nothing. She said it must have been an accident or was caused by the fight. She couldn't let it go though; she couldn't lie to Gibbs and violate their trust like that, so she suggested that the method used is one often used by many agencies including Mossad.

Before she knew it they were flying to Tel Aviv. Not just her and Michael's body, but Gibbs, Vance and Tony too. She was vaguely afraid of what they would want to do to Tony. She knew that any conclusive proof to validate or invalidate Tony's account disappeared when her apartment was destroyed. Somewhere in the back of her mind the investigative part of her noted that it was likely that Mossad was attempting to cover something up, something more than what had really happened between Tony and Michael. She saw Tony trap her father into saying that everything Michael had done, had been done on _his_ order.

She was still trapped between her two worlds. She confronted Tony who made a point of telling her "_You. Weren't. There._" He claimed it was self defense. He claimed he had gone there not to kill Michael, but to protect her. She couldn't help but think he was holding something back from her, from everyone. For the first time since she had met him, she really wasn't sure she could trust him, and that killed her.

Then her father had questioned her loyalty. Had as much as told her that she had let him down, that Michael's death was her fault. That because she had let Michael be killed, she had to finish what he started. She knew that he had used her. He had sent Michael to stay with her, not because either cared for her, but because she was a willing, unsuspecting contact. She thought she was long past blindly being a pawn in her father's hand, and then this happened and proved to her that she wasn't out yet. As much as her eyes had been opened since Ari, she had still fallen prey to Michael's charms and her father's whims.

On the ride to the airport, all she could think about was that she no longer wanted to be in a position where her father could use her. Since the only way that would happen, apparently was her death, she decided that at the very least, she could keep her father from using her against NCIS. She would not put them in the way and she would not let herself be caught in between loyalties again. But she didn't want to give her father the satisfaction of thinking she had chosen him over Gibbs and the team. So she came up with a plan to put the decision on Gibbs.

At the airport she told Gibbs, "_I am still not convinced that he has been entirely truthful about Michael's – Rivkin's shooting. I am not sure we can work together. Perhaps it is best if one of us gets transferred to another team. I need to be able to trust the people that I work with._" Gibbs had tried to tell her that Tony's word should be enough. He had tried to read her face. He had tried to find out her real motives. She momentarily let her walls down and pleaded with him with her eyes, a silent conversation, to let her do this. She told him without words that this was something she needed to do and she was not really giving him a choice. She knew he would not just split up the team, transfer someone especially Tony, over something like this. That was her way of giving him the out she wouldn't allow herself. He silently accepted her request without making an issue with it. Instead he leaned forward to kiss her cheek before telling her, "_Take care of yourself._"

She walked back to her father at the car and watched the plane take off. She felt her heart break just a little more, but she had made her choice and had to stand by it. It was too late to change her mind now. As the plane became just a speck on the horizon, she squared her shoulders and entered the car next to her father. She would do her job. She would finish what Michael had started. And she would be even more vigilant against pledging her loyalty to anyone, especially her father. He may desire her loyalty go solely to him, but he would be one of the last she would pledge it to now. Not after everything he had done to her and put her through.


	2. Gibbs

Author's Note: I have gotten a couple requests to continue this, and while I don't want to start writing a speculative season 7, I thought it would be good to do short little pieces on how everyone deals with the events of the last couple of episodes - specifically Rivkin and the fallout from that. Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

"_I am still not convinced that he has been entirely truthful about Michael's – Rivkin's shooting. I am not sure we can work together. Perhaps it is best if one of us gets transferred to another team. I need to be able to trust the people that I work with._" Her words caught him off guard, not that he would ever show it. There was a cold tonality to her voice that hadn't even been there that first night in the hospital. …

Gibbs was, surprised was probably the best word, when he was interrupted by a phone call informing him that Tony and Rivkin were both being taken to the hospital. He was even more surprised, though proud in a way, that Rivkin was apparently the worse off of the two. By the time he reached the hospital, Tony's doctor was just finishing up with his arm and Ziva was awaiting news on Rivkin. When the doctor approached her, Gibbs unconsciously held his breath and studied the interact closely. Whatever was said here would have long lasting, far reaching effects for everyone on his team, especially Ziva and Tony. He knew the instant she was told that Rivkin hadn't made it. She then turned and walked directly to him, studiously avoiding making any eye contact with Tony. She then coolly accused Tony of _murdering_ Rivkin. Tony just walked away.

… He searched her face looking for what she was so skillfully hiding. He knew that what she was saying was not what she wanted to say. He knew that the almost void face was a sure sign that she was doing something that she had to do but didn't want to. What he didn't know was who's choice this actually was. He knew that she knew he would never consent to splitting up the team and transferring Tony for what had happened. As he studied her face he saw the mask slip just enough for him to glimpse what she was really thinking, feeling. He still didn't know who had actually made this decision, but it was made and her eyes begged him to give her this. She needed, for whatever reason, to be rejected by him. This couldn't be a time for her to do something outright. This was a time for him to do that for her. She needed him to allow her this way out the same way she was giving him one through the pretense of making him chose between her and DiNozzo. …

He and McGee were walking up the steps to the crime scene – Ziva's apartment – when the entire block shook and a wave of heat and debris rained down from above. Somehow Ziva's apartment had been the scene of a massive explosion, destroying any evidence that they would have to clear DiNozzo's name of this accusation of murdering a Mossad operative. While they waited for the bomb techs to arrive and clear the building, various scenarios worked their way through his head – none of them good. Ziva was somehow involved in the dealings of Rivkin. Someone was attempting to kill Ziva and or Rivkin. Mossad was attempting to cover up something worse than what tony had done, like another double agent. Rivkin's terrorist buddies were cleaning house. Regardless of the reason, things had just gotten ten times worse for DiNozzo.

… Making a swift decision by the time she had replaced the cold uncaring mask, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. This was far more painful than it probably should be, but he had developed a close relationship with this woman who had killed her own brother to save his life. Feeling the sting of tears at the back of his eyes, he whispered "_Take care of yourself_" and both recognized the unspoken messages hidden in that simple wish. He was acknowledging that she would be in danger if she stayed, but that he would be only a phone call away if she needed anything. He was also letting her know that she would always be welcome back by him when and if circumstances changed. …

When they descended the ramp onto the tarmac, Gibbs was a little afraid for DiNozzo. Mossad had their own way of dealing with things and those ways would likely put DiNozzo's life in serious danger. He was also a little afraid with Tony's first exchange with Director David. He knew that DiNozzo was a lot smarter and a much better agent than anyone ever really gave him credit for. But if he hadn't seen the amazing agent that he really was, there was no way he would have sent him in to do what was planned. He had complete trust that Tony would get the information they, especially Ziva, needed to hear, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to do it before he was seriously injured. He couldn't help the proud smile that lit his face when David admitted that nothing happened in Mossad without his knowledge and approval.

… He fixed his face back into its customary tough mask before ascending the ramp that would take him home. He went directly to the pilot and told them they were ready. When Tony looked around and asked in his own way if Ziva was coming, Gibbs answered in his own – silence. The rest of the flight home was quiet. He was still trying to figure out what had happened between Ziva and her father that would make her react the way she had, but it was useless to speculate on the little information he had. All he could do now was pray that she knew what she was doing and that she would be ok.

Then his thoughts turned towards those waiting at home for them all. He couldn't face Abby right now. She had gone crazy when Kate had died, and again when Jenny had. When the team was split, she was relentless in her desire to have them _all_ back. Ziva had become her best friend over the last few years and he knew she wouldn't handle this well. McGee would also be hard to tell. He had been the first to really accept Ziva, and they had become good friends in the years since. Ducky would probably be the easiest. He had experienced loss enough that he was well equipped to deal with the sudden loss, especially since it didn't result from a death. He would also be the most willing to accept that there isn't an explanation available for the new twist in events. Again he said a quick prayer that his team, his _family_, would be able to weather this latest storm as gracefully as the others. He also wondered to himself how many more body blows they could take before they broke down all together.


	3. Tony

When Ziva's address came up as the location a terrorist's computer was used, he knew immediately what had happened. It never crossed his mind that she would be involved in terrorism. She hated it more than any of them. Terrorists had taken her sister Tali from her, the 'best of us'. She would never be responsible for causing others that pain. Rivkin, on the other hand, reminded him greatly of Ari Haswari. The connection was logical and clear – Rivkin was working _with_ the LA terrorist cell and using Ziva as a cover. So, armed with this new evidence, Tony decided to confront Ziva.

These past few days, she had been on edge, lying to him. She was too protective of Michael Rivkin, but he wasn't exactly sure why. All Tony knew was that since Rivkin had come to town, the precarious relationship that had been reestablished, finally, since Jenny's death and their split had been crumbling. She took his side over the team, over their job, over their duty to serve justice.

When he reached Ziva's apartment, he gave a fleeting thought to calling McGee for back up, but decided against it. McGee had just returned from LA and Tony didn't want it to feel like they were ganging up on her. Besides, despite everything, they were at the very least colleagues, and she was not a traitor to this country or her own. What he had to tell her would undoubtedly make her mad, possibly even get him hurt, but he didn't need back up to talk to a friend.

He was surprised when Rivkin opened the door, but not terribly opposed to dealing with the problem personally. He and Gibbs had both told Rivkin to go home and leave Ziva alone. Now Tony had proof that he was a terrorist. He could arrest Rivkin and deal with Ziva later. But things deteriorated quickly. When he had tried to arrest Rivkin, the Mossad agent had attacked. It became an all out battle for blood. Tony never intended to kill Rivkin. In truth, he didn't really expect to make it out of the apartment alive, but he wasn't one to give up without a fight. So he fought as hard as he could for as long as he could and just happened to find an opening, a chance to gain the advantage. Rivkin went flying into the table and Tony thought it was done. Rivkin was seriously injured; surely he wouldn't continue to fight. As it was, one of his own arms was useless and intensely painful. But Rivkin came at him again brandishing a jagged piece of broken glass. Tony practically begged Rivkin not to make him do this, not to make him responsible for killing this man that Ziva obviously had feelings for. But he didn't have a choice and he fired into the crazed advancing man before falling to the floor himself.

Seconds later, the door was flung open and his gun was aimed at the next potential threat – Ziva. She came into the room and her gun immediately found Tony on the floor. She took in his damaged body then saw Michael and rushed to him. Tony tried several times between when she came in and they found themselves at the hospital to explain, but couldn't find the words. It wouldn't have mattered what he said at that point, he realized, because she was too consumed by her grief to accept anything from the man responsible for it.

When the doctors came to tell her that Rivkin was dead, his own heart broke at her pain, while his face tightened into a tough façade. He didn't regret for a second the choice he made to protect himself at Rivkin's expense. He didn't even feel overly bad about killing the traitor who had been using Ziva so heartlessly. But he did regret the fact that she was having to once again experience the pain of close loss. First her sister, then Ari, then Jenny – and those were just the ones he knew about in detail. When she came towards him and told Gibbs in that cold voice that Tony had murdered Michael Rivkin, he almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe that she would think that about him. But he dismissed it because she was in intense emotional pain.

Then Ziva's apartment was blown to smithereens and Tony couldn't help but feel a little paranoid. The Mossad operated differently from most intelligence agencies, as Gibbs had said in the past – it's a family affair. Tony suspected that the explosion was meant to destroy all evidence. Without the evidence Gibbs and McGee might have been able to recover, there would be no way to prove what had really happened, and he knew his word would not be enough to satisfy those in charge of Mossad. The word of the man who killed one of their prized agents – one who happened to be close to the deputy director. He could tell immediately that Ziva was once again keeping information from everyone on the team.

The next thing he knew, he was on a plane with Gibbs, Vance, Ziva, and Rivkin's body to Tel Aviv. When he got off the plane, they were met with some very scary looking Mossad men and he attempted a joke about them killing him. For a moment, he thought Ziva's statement that only her father or herself could have Tony killed as a joke. That was before he saw her face, especially her eyes, and saw the truth in them. With the realization a shiver ran down his spine and he felt his blood turn to ice momentarily.

The entire encounter with Director David a short time later had actually been fun. Tony was a smart ass who didn't necessarily respect any form of authority – other than Gibbs of course – and he played the idiot well. He viewed the interrogation as a game, much as he had the two previous times with the FBI. He played his part beautifully. It was Oscar caliber really, if he did say so himself. And somewhat surprisingly for the manipulative man that he was, Director David played right into his hand and admitted that Rivkin did what he did because he was ordered to do so.

Even later in the evening he confronted Ziva on the roof. She was beyond mad, but he refused to let her blame everything on him any longer. At first she had been grieving and he had let it happen. But now it was time to set her straight. Rivkin, or Michael as she insisted on calling him, _was_ a traitor, like Ari. And, also like Ari, he used her for his own purposes, to cover for him, protect him, proclaim his innocence. She was the one who had played beautifully into that hand, and as painful as it was, she needed to see what had really happened. She lectured about his choices. She claimed he didn't have to kill Rivkin, he could have shot him in the knee. She accused him of going there expressly to kill the man she may have loved. She knocked him to the ground and shoved her gun into his chest and for a moment he thought she would pull the trigger. He wasn't going to let her off easy though. He asked if she would have preferred that Tony had been the one killed. He told her the absolute truth – he had gone not to kill Rivkin, not even to confront him, but to talk to _her_, to _protect_ her. She wasn't there, so regardless what she thought he should have or could have done was pointless. She didn't know. She didn't see the look of pure evil in the man's eyes as he advanced with the bloodied glass.

They didn't talk for the rest of the day, but somehow it was worked out so that he could go home – alive. He boarded the plane quickly, eager not to give anyone the chance to change their minds. Vance boarded soon afterwards and took his seat. Sometime later Gibbs ascended the ramp and told the pilot to take off. But there was something wrong. He could see it in Gibbs' face and he could feel it in his heart. Looking around he asked "One light?"

And then the plane was taxing down the runway and Ziva was still on the ground. She hadn't come back – she may never come back. The last words they may ever speak to each other had been filled with distrust and pain and anger and it was possible he would never be able to apologize. Realizing this, his heart broke a little more as the stab of quilt stung just that much more. Even worse – he had a very, very long flight ahead of him to think it over. On top of that, he knew the task of informing the rest of the team that she wasn't coming home would fall to him. Gibbs didn't deal with personal, emotional issues and Vance wouldn't lower himself to talk to the others about this – even if he would, something like this should come from someone in the family, which meant him.

He didn't know what to say to McGee and Abby when they asked where Ziva was. He still hadn't managed to process what was happening. He didn't know whose choice it had been – her own because of what had happened to Rivkin, her father's because he found a better or simply different way to use her, Gibbs' for unknown reasons, Vance's to further his own agenda. Whose ever choice it had been, the facts boiled down to one thing – the family had once again lost a vital member and this time she wasn't even dead, yet. They were once again broken, and they would all feel the loss for a long time, especially because this time, no one knew why she was gone.


End file.
